Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans. In all your ways acknowledge HIM and He will make your paths straight.
— Proverbs 5:3
— Proverbs 5:3
Clinical depression is a very serious issue that is growing rapidly in the United States. It is even more of an issue for caregivers and their loved ones. Recent studies at the University of Kansas addresses the physical issues related to depression and suggests modification of lifestyle in six areas: diet, rumination, exercise, light therapy, socialization, and sleep patterns. The research was conducted by Dr. Stephen S. Ilardi and is documented in his book called The Depression Cure published in 2009. I will write a review of this book soon and post it on our website.
Church of the Resurrection in Leawood, Kansas sponsors a free support group twice a year for those suffering from depression and their family members. Karen and I are attending the sessions this spring. This Sunday, March 17th, I will present a summary of those findings at our Christian Caregiver Support Group. The following week I will review those findings again from a Biblical perspective and add additional Biblical guidance for the groups consideration. You may not be depressed. I hope that the material we present will give guidance on how to avoid being caught in the depression “Pit”. Psalms 40:2 He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. It is Jesus who says he has come that we might have life in abundance. John 10:10 In the midst of our trials and struggles God teaches those who are willing to look to Him and learn the wisdom of God whose thoughts are higher than ours. In all circumstances we can search together for the blessings God is providing, even when we feel God has forsaken us. God has not forsaken us. I worked with a wonderful pastor, Dr. Forrest Haggard, who taught it is not our circumstances that define us, but our stance. As Christian we stand together and there is healing in the Body of Christ. The Spirit is at work when we gather in Christ’s name. See you Sunday. Tom
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Express your anger directly to God.
Psalm 22 puts God on trial, sort of. Jesus even quotes this Psalm from the cross. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” How could God have let this happen to me, my family, my loved one? I am really angry at you God! “Why are you so far from me, so far from the words of my groaning? I cry out by day, but you do not answer me, by night and am not silent.” You are God, aren’t you? You made promises didn’t you? Why do I feel so alone? I thought I knew you, but now I wonder if you are there? David was angry with God. “In you our fathers put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them. They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed. Hey God, what about me. Do you see, do you notice? You helped our spiritual ‘Fathers’. They thought you were real. They told me about how you delivered them. Maybe you don’t understand my situation. God, I am really on the ropes here. My life is going down the tubes. I can’t get the help I need and I am getting worn out. I have been dealt a hard blow in this life and have a bad hand dealt to me. Am I being punished for some great sin? Have I fallen out of your favor? Others see my situation, and even they wonder how my God could let this happen to me. I believe you are the creator of the world. You gave me life, a heritage of faith and Christian parents. So where are you, God? It seems like my circumstances are pressing on me constantly. I get angry at the ones I love. And they tear right back at me. I feel helpless and afraid. My heart for life is melting away like melting wax. I am running out of energy and strength. I do not feel like the person I want to be. And I am angry. Why have you forsaken me? I all have great WHY questions to bring to God and I want to see you, God, face to face. David continues. God, I need you. I need strength and help. I am at my end. Please come quickly and help me. I need a deliverance and rescue for myself and for those I love. What can I do, God. Why have you forsaken me? David comes to the same God who he accuses of forsaking him and writes in verse 22 of Psalm 22. “I will declare your name to my brothers; in the congregation, I will praise you.” Tell God your anger. Go out in the woods and yell at God. God gave you your feelings. Let them out. God is a great God and can take all your anger and frustration. Don’t hold back. Ephesians 4:26 Paul acknowledges we get angry. He reminds us in our anger not to sin. Telling God how you feel is not a sin. Not talking to God at all is a sin. As you tell God what you are angry about let your feelings turn into an open, honest heart that needs healing. Let your spewing of words turn into a humble, exhausted prayer asking for God to come again closer to you. God has not forsaken you. He came to David when David was really down. David closes the Psalm by saying, "All who have gone down to the dust will kneel before Him....for He has done it." David joins the throng of witnesses who have held on to their faith and received again the presence of God. God promises to listen to our cries for help and we wait to see what God will do. That same down and out David wrote Psalm 23. You might have heard it before. David had experienced the depths and pain of life. He discovered that God was there with him even when he felt that God had forsaken David. You might be in the valley of the shadow of death. But God has not forsaken you. Call out His name, even in anger and then trust him. God will help you see life differently. So how does God respond when we are very angry with Him. God listens with a loving, understanding heart. Jesus cried on the cross "my God, why have you forsaken me," also said, "into your hands I comment my spirit." Last Sunday the group expressed an interest in hearing about the topic of depression. Caregiving can be very stressful and caregivers are at risk of depression. Karen and I have been attending a depression event and learning about ways to manage (avoid) depression. Sue Brettmann at the same time has been reading a book on depression. So lets address the subject.
What is depression? A clinical definition of Depression is: An illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts and that affects the way a person eats, sleeps, feels about himself or herself, and thinks about things. I usually go to scripture first to begin with a Biblical perspective. The word itself is not used but there are many examples of biblical characters who seemed to have the symptoms. The biblical word I will focus on is “The Pit”. People understand what it means to say I am in the pits and that is the term the Bible uses. The bible uses “pit” in three ways. First, there is a literal pit. Something physical an animal can fall in or in Joseph’s case, a well he was thrown into until the brothers sold him into slavery. It can be a well that holds water or a deep crevasse. Second, there is the pit like hell and the grave. It is a place of evil and separation from God. This is a forever pit. Third, the pit is a lonely place people can find themselves with feelings of despair, hopelessness, and constant rumination. It is this third pit that we might call depression. This pit can be a result of physical, emotional, social and/or spiritual disease. It is reversible and there is hope. David says in Psalm 30:8-10, “To you, O Lord, I called; to the Lord I cried for mercy: What gain is there in my destruction, if I go down into the Pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it proclaim your faithfulness? Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me; O Lord, be my help.” There is hope. David says in Psalm 40:2, “He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.” This Sunday we will begin exploring the “pit” both in our loved ones and in ourself. We will identify our pit, ways to keep from falling into the pit and ways to help family members caught in the pit. This is a big area and I see us spending several sessions on this topic. I hope you can be present with us. Sundays: Meeting weekly at 4:00 Christ Lutheran Church 11720 Nieman Road Overland Park, KS 66210 www.clcop.org 913-345-9700 As my mom’s dementia progressed, she lost interest in activities and relating with people. I would cherish the times I could get a smile from her during my visits. Having a good connection with her, affirmed by that smile would make my day. We could still connect and have a relationship even as her dementia got worse. I dreaded the day that she might not recognize me or be able to give me that smile.
Then I think about God and my relationship with Him. I know Jesus died for my sins. I know my mom believed Jesus died for her sins. That is a faith we both have. My mom’s smile confirmed the relationship she had with me. Does Jesus want the same in my relationship with Him? Does my smile in response to Jesus mean as much to Jesus as my mom’s smile meant to me? When I am burdened by the stress of caregiving, am I too troubled to give Jesus that smile? When aids would come to help my mom, they would not get the smile that I received. It wasn’t just anyone that got that smile. Her special smile was just for me. That smile was for one who was her child. We have parents of children in our Christian Caregiver Support Group. Would the smile of their child mean as much to them as my mom’s smile meant to me? The truth is that it probably means even more. That special smile is a sign of a close and loving relationship. Birth certificates can be the evidence that defines a relationship. A baptism certificate or confirmation certificate can be evidence of belonging to a Christian church or denomination. But is it enough evidence of a relationship with Jesus to bring a smile to our face? Can a paper certificate or a picture of our baptism bring a smile to our loved one? No, that special smile comes from more than a certificate. That smile is a sign of emotional, relational and verbal connection. Did you ever think that just as I loved to see the smile on my moms face that Jesus loves to see that emotional, relational and verbal connection on our face? Paul, in the book of Philippians, emphasizes strongly his encouragement for us to rejoice in the Lord. He repeats the word ‘rejoice’ twice. Paul knows that life can be hard as he reminds us not to be anxious about anything. Paul was an experienced sufferer. Jesus brought joy to Paul. It is a relationship that Paul says goes beyond all understanding. Paul wrote these words in Philipians 4, "Be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly....as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father throught him." We can bring joy to Jesus. Jesus said when one lost sheep is found there is rejoicing in heaven, Luke 15. Prayer and worship are like sweet smelling incense, Ps 141:2 My mom had a disease that made it harder and harder for her to relate. But when we connected, it was great and made my day. I hope that you are to able to connect with Jesus, fix your eyes on Him. Remember, Jesus is always standing at your door ready to be invited into your situation. He smiles when you pray (even when you are angry with God). Open the door and be mindful of Him. Let him provide a new perspective and strength. Perhaps then your cup will overflow and you will have something extra to share with your loved one because a renewed joy will fill your heart. Maybe you will have a smile and grace to share with your loved one even when it cannot be returned. May the joy of the Lord be your strength. John 11:35 “Jesus wept”, is the shortest verse in scripture. Did you know this is a caregiver story? Let’s go to the beginning and see what caused Jesus to cry.
The story begins in the first verse of John 11 with the declaration that Lazarus, the brother of Mary and Martha was sick. We don’t know what is wrong with Lazarus, only that is is serious enough for Mary and Martha to send word to Jesus. Mary and Martha were very concerned. The word they send to Jesus is, “Lord, the one you love is sick.” These words do not sound like a prayer, but they are. Surrounding these seven words are so many feelings. What is your prayer for someone you love? How would you express your words for to Jesus? I wonder why they didn’t say, “Jesus, please come here right away and heal Lazarus, Lord, we need you now.” These sisters were Lazarus’s caregivers in his illness. They were concerned enough to send word to Jesus knowing they needed Jesus help. Were the sisters anticipating the worst? Do you wonder what lies in the future for someone you love? The sisters loved Lazarus and their feelings of worry and concern were very real. You would think that they would say to Jesus, “Lord, the one we love is sick.” Isn’t that appropriate? Maybe we need to be reminded that our loved one is also the one Jesus loves. Jesus had a history with this family and they reminded Jesus that Lazarus was the one Jesus loved. These words of the sisters focus on a direct relationship of love between Lazarus and Jesus. I wonder what Lazarus’s prayers might have been in the capsule of his mind. Jesus delayed two days. Lazarus died. Jesus came to Bethany and found Martha and Mary being comforted by their friends. The sisters must have felt let down by Jesus. When Martha saw Jesus her feelings came out as she said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” She blames Jesus! Jesus did not meet up to her expectations. It was His fault. She was hurt. Are you hurt or angry when God does not live up to your expectations? Martha’s relationship with Jesus is stronger than her hurt or anger. She goes on and says, “But I know even now God will give you whatever you ask.” Martha holds on to Jesus love and her faith in Him. Jesus says, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha says, “Yes, I know about the resurrection on the last day.” Her pain will linger for a long time, until the ultimate resurrection. The sting of loss. The pain of feeling Jesus let her down. Her long term hope was smaller than her near term pain. Hope sounded to her like a platitude. Jesus then meets Mary. Her words are exactly the same as Martha’s words. “Lord, if you had been here, m brother would not have died.” The sisters had talked about this a lot before Jesus came. Martha we know from another time with Jesus. She was the practical one, focused on a dinner for Jesus. Mary we know as the one who sat at Jesus feet to soak up all His words. Mary, after saying, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died”, bursts out in tears. Those comforting her also could not contain their tears. This expression of love in their weeping moved Jesus deeply and He was troubled by their feelings of loss. “Where have you taken Lazarus?” Jesus asked. “Come and see,” they replied. Jesus walked with them to the tomb and that is when Jesus wept. The Jews said, “See how he loved him!” I think Jesus loved them all. He was moved by seeing the sting of death, the human morning of one who has died. Jesus came to the tomb and was once more deeply moved. Lazarus was raised from the dead by Jesus and joy returned to the house of Mary and Martha. Lazarus would have another day to face his death again, as would Mary and Martha. Were Mary and Martha good caregivers? What did they do right? I believe they were physically present in Lazarus’s care. I believe they loved Lazarus. They interceded for Lazarus in their prayer (message) to Jesus. Their faith, in the midst of question, remained. The real seed of hope are in the words of both sisters when they addressed Jesus as “Lord.” Jesus is Lord. That is the first confession of the church. Even in their feelings of disappointment, their hurt, their grief, their lack of understanding, the loss in their life, their anger at Jesus delay - in faith and love they addressed Jesus as LORD. By this address and confession they are saying, “I believe you are the Christ, the Sn of God, who was promised and has come into the world.” In life, in death and in life again Jesus is LORD. Soon they will morn again. Jesus is going to Jerusalem to die. They will morn again, not for Lazarus, but for Jesus. But like Lazarus, Jesus will rise from the dead, never again to die. Mary and Martha will remember that Jesus said to them, “I am the resurrection and the life.” The call to caregiving is a loving responsibility. It is a privilege to honor and love. As Ken Haugk writes in his book titled, “Christian Caregiving, A Way of Life,” there are times when we cannot control all that we would like. Our faith becomes a valuable resource to help us through our difficulties. In Jesus own mysterious way, we pray that He will answer your call and give you what you need. Jesus weeps with those who weep that He may will rejoice those who rejoice. May God bless and be with all, His wonderful caregivers. Are you angry with God? Express your anger directly to God.
Psalm 22 puts God on trial, sort of. Jesus even quotes this Psalm from the cross. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” How could God have let this happen to me, my family, my loved one? I am really angry at you God! “Why are you so far from me, so far from the words of my groaning? I cry out by day, but you do not answer me, by night and am not silent.” You are God, aren’t you? You made promises didn’t you? Why do I feel so alone? I thought I knew you, but now I wonder if you are there? David was angry with God. “In you our fathers put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them. They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed. Hey God, what about me. Do you see, do you notice? You helped our spiritual ‘Fathers’. They thought you were real. They told me about how you delivered them. Maybe you don’t understand my situation. God, I am really on the ropes here. My life is going down the tubes. I can’t get the help I need and I am getting worn out. I have been dealt a hard blow in this life and have a bad hand dealt to me. Am I being punished for some great sin? Have I fallen out of your favor? Others see my situation, and even they wonder how my God could let this happen to me. I believe you are the creator of the world. You gave me life, a heritage of faith and Christian parents. So where are you, God? It seems like my circumstances are pressing on me constantly. I get angry at the ones I love. And they tear right back at me. I feel helpless and afraid. My heart for life is melting away like melting wax. I am running out of energy and strength. I do not feel like the person I want to be. And I am angry. Why have you forsaken me? We all have great WHY questions to bring to God when we see Him face to face. David continues. God, I need you. I need strength and help. I am at my end. Please come quickly and help me. I need a deliverance and rescue for myself and for those I love. What can I do, God. Why have you forsaken me? David comes to the same God who he accuses of forsaking him and writes in verse 22 of Psalm 22. “I will declare your name to my brothers; in the congregation, I will praise you.” Tell God your anger. Go out in the woods and yell at God. God gave you your feelings. Let them out. God is a great God and can take all your anger and frustration. Don’t hold back. Ephesians 4:26 Paul acknowledges we get angry. He reminds us in our anger not to sin. Telling God how you feel is not a sin. Not talking to God at all is a sin. As you tell God what you are angry about let your feelings turn into an open, honest heart that needs healing. Let your spewing of words turn into a humble, exhausted prayer asking for God to come again closer to you. God has not forsaken you. He came to David when David was really down and David declares God's name. David closes the Psalm by saying, "for He has done it." God promises to listen to our cries for help and wait to see what God will do. That same down and out David wrote Psalm 23. You might have heard it before. David had experienced the depths and pain of life. He discovered that God was there with him even in the valley when he felt that God had forsaken him. You might be in the valley of the shadow of death. But God has not forsaken you. Call out His name, even in anger and then trust him. God will help you see life differently. So how does God respond when we are very angry with Him. God listens with a loving, understanding heart. Jesus cried on the cross "my God, why have you forsaken me," also said, "into your hands I comment my spirit." Hebrews. 12:1-2, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.”
We have a great heritage in the church, faithful followers of Jesus who have suffered and endured much. In their pain and suffering they have sought wisdom and understanding of the great love of God. They have left markers along the trail to guide our ways. Joni Erickson Tada has suffered much and is now suffering with cancer. She has her bad days like everyone else. Ken, her husband of 30 years is her caregiver as well. They have help, but he carries a primary responsibility. Ken suffered from depression, and he loves Joni very much. Wouldn’t it be interesting to be in a caregiver support group with Ken. He knew up front in their marriage that Joni had special needs. He knowingly choose to link his life to hers. They have a book coming out in April they have written together called, “Joni & Ken: An Untold Love Story. When Joni was diagnosed with cancer Ken was going through a spiritual transformation of his own. Their new book is about sharing, with honesty, the highs and lows of their 30-year marriage and how, as each looked to God to find strength to carry on. They also found themselves drawing closer, in God’s perfect love triangle. That triangle with God makes them strong. Like the three cords in Ecclesiastes 4:12 that are not easily broken we are strengthened by God in our life. So fix your eyes on Jesus with the eyes of faith. You will learn so much about precious blessings in the wonders God can reveal. It will make you stronger. You will be a greater blessing to the one who needs your love and care. As you live in close contact with Jesus, the Light of Jesus’s presence will filter through you to bless others. Intersperse peaceful interludes with Jesus throughout your day. God bless, Tom It is time for an attitude check. What am I talking about? Well how is your attitude about being a caregiver.
Attitude definition: A complex mental state involving beliefs, feelings, values and dispositions to act in a certain way. How does a Christian caregiver do an attitude check? Let's look at Paul's words. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Rom. 8:28. May I suggest we focus on the word “CALL” in these words. You are CALLED! This is such an important word for Christian caregivers to acknowledge. You are not a victim. You are not being punished. You are called. It is so helpful to see your caregiving role as a Christian calling because it changes everything. It changes your attitude. It changes your approach. God has called you. Think about that. I know you didn’t ask for it. Neither did Jonah, Peter, Paul. Jesus words to “Follow Me” means Jesus has a direction he wants us to go in our lives. We are called to be servants and you are called to be a servant in a specific circumstance. Jesus’s promise to us in the end of Matthew’s gospel are the words, “I will be with you always, even to the end of the age.” Jesus has called you to be a caregiver. He promises to be with you. We are called according to His purposes and he will reveal those purposes more completely over time. We may not understand His purposes at this time, but scripture says God works for the good. I have been reading a number of books about the stories of caregivers. Yes, it is hard and sometimes very hard. However, the stories are about the blessings and learnings these caregivers received. He will bless you and you will learn much. Being called by God also means God has a stake in your caregiving and God will provide. I don’t know how He will do it or when He will do it, but I believe He will do it. He promises to do it. He can do it. You are connected to the right source. There is a condition. The scripture says, “to those who love Him”. This love is not a feeling, this love is an action. We love God by talking to Him, by worshipping Him, by praising Him and by blessing Him. As the hymn writer learned to love God by writing, “Bless the Lord, O my soul and all that is within me, bless His Holy name.” Even secular research has discovered that attitude is important in caregivers. See the attached link titled, Utah researchers find caregivers' attitudes critical in Alzheimer's disease progression http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865571095/Utah-researchers-find-caregivers-attitudes-critical-in-Alzheimers-disease-progression.html So how is your attitude? Allow your faith to draw your attitude closer to the mind of Christ in your Christian caregiving. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been "called" according to His purpose."
Caregiving is a loving responsibility, but it can be stressful and hard work. How we think about having the responsibility of caregiving can change everything. Having the mind of Christ in us can make a huge difference. We can see our responsibility as a duty, obligation or as God placing a "Calling" on our lives. If God calls us to this purpose, we can look to God to provide what we need. Our first Christian Caregiver Support Group meets at Christ Lutheran Church in Overland Park, KS on Sunday afternoons at 4;00. Contact Tom Frommer (913) 732-0703 for more information. God's blessings! |
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Sue Brettmann RN has been devoted to Caregiving both in her career as an RN, Parish Nurse and caring for her aging parents through the last 40 plus years. She has experience in trauma, home care and hospice. Her strong faith walk and relationship with Christ has always been a part of her care and she is committed to helping others see the gift of Christ in their personal journey's. Archives
October 2021
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